I dont really know what I need to apologize for though....I guess you could say I am a little confused.
Recently I have been rethinking what it means to blog, what it means to evaluate, what it means to process the significance of the events and relationships of my life. I'm not exactly confident that I am doing the right thing, or even going about it in the right way.... is there a right way? Is it even worth it to try to analyze one's relationships?
The last couple of days have been filled with confusion and doubt. I don't think I am really all that deep, but when I started posting the blogs regarding my past roommate relationships, I got a little flack, if you will. I was told that I am over thinking things. That life is a lot more simple than I make it out to be. That I can just be friends with somebody without having to look at the relationship deeply. Can it be true? Can this really be how things in this world work? I like looking at the significances of my relationships, emotions, and interactions. I feel as though I can learn from them. Maybe I am just fooling myself.
It doesn't matter, really. What's the point of analyzing and evaluating anyway?
Does it change anything? --not really...not on its own i guess.
Is there really any value in thinking at all? I dont know. Can I ever really know that my thinking is right/correct/legit anyways?
This makes me think of a quote I heard in my class Christianity in Western Culture by Socrates, (i think, it could be Plato or Aristotle for all i know), "The unexamined life is not worth living..." hmm... I need more time to think through this all....
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Where do I go from here?
Danny and I aren't going to be roommates next semester. So I have the opportunity to try again. This will be my fourth roommate. That sounds bad. I have only been here for four semesters. That's not a very good record.
I have two choices. I could choose to live with a guy that is already on my floor. Which could be cool. But I have been leaning more toward the possibility of taking in a freshman/transfer student. I have a friend back in New Mexico who is looking into getting into Moody, he is still waiting to hear back about his acceptance/not getting accepted. I really hope he gets in. It would be awesome to room with him. I am totally just fantasizing right now, I don't even know if he'd want to be my roommate.
I think that wanting a new guy is almost a little selfish or self-serving though, at least on some level. I am guessing that part of my motivation for this is to have someone new so I could feel as though I have the upper hand on the relationship. It's stupid I know. It's utterly retarded. I am just being honest though. But aside from that, I think that it would just be good, because then I think it'd be easier to not have any expectations of the relationship....
I dont really know where I'll end up on the other side of this all.
Where do I go from here?
Where should you go? I think you should go back to rethinking and re-examing what it means to have a roommate who is your friend
ReplyDeleteI think your reasoning on changing roommates isn't well grounded, and you are just trying to attach an excuse as to why you won't be roommates with your current roommate. Have you thought of the repercussions it might have on your friendship?
Think about that.
I did think about that. Does me not wanting to be roommates with my friend really impact our friendship that much?
ReplyDeleteShould I want to change without any reason? I don't understand. I've talked it over with other people and they are under the impression that it's pretty legit too.
I think it's really dumb for the friendship to be based on if we are roommates or not. That is really shallow....
I'm just reading this now. I don't think it's wrong to change roommates. Not at all. I also will say that I think getting a freshmen/transfer is okay. It's okay that you want to have an opportunity to be "older one" in the relationship. If you're choosing to do that because you are afraid/don't want to face trying to be friends with someone "on your level" then I don't think that's super healthy. But I don't think it's wrong for you to desire to be the older one and all that that comes with.
ReplyDeleteChange is a good thing, as long as you're not using it as an excuse to not face something.
I vote you take me if I get into Chicago!
ReplyDelete