[Room]mates (Bonus- Jonathan {EP-Extended Project/Play})

Living with another person is an interesting part of life. Whether it be family or just some bloke at your school, its a learning experience. I'll try to elaborate....

As I sit here on my bed, I listen to my roommate Daniel strum away at his guitar. Being an electric guitar, he feels that it ought to be played with his amp. And it's not that the 'music' is super loud, but it's just loud enough-loud enough to keep the room from being the restful quiet place I need before my seven hour shift tonight. But I guess the things is that I don't need it...but I guess that is what I want to talk about--learning to live with someone is learning how to make sacrifices and compromises. Its learning how to share life (and that's what I've been trying to learn for the past couple of weeks [I know that I already kinda discussed this in my first post {its just that it keeps coming up}]). I am still trying to figure out how to do that-and hopefully do that well [if that's possible].

This, however, I feel like, centers not so much on the aspect of relationships that concerns the emotional and psychological connection between people and the complications therein but more along the lines of sharing physical space with other people though the emotional is never far behind.
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I have one brother, and I shared space with him for many many years-- Bonus) Jonathan- Jonathan is a great guy and I really enjoy his company. Yet sometimes I feel as though the whole time that I had with him, I wasted. Like I didn't make the most of my time with him. I love Jonathan, he is my brother, yet I know that I didn't/don't show it like I know I should.

Jonathan and I didn't really grow up having the same relationship that many other siblings have. I always felt that Jonathan and I had something special. Though we were mean to each other at times, I would say that Jonathan and I have always had a special love for each other. I don't mean to say that other siblings don't have this, I am just saying that Jonathan and I would almost never be overly physically abusive to each other. That was never tolerated in our house growing up, but rather we were mean to each other through our use of our words and even the use of passive aggressive tactics. Aside from childish fights here and there, I would say that Jonathan and I were very loving to each other, and still are. I always hug my brother, many many times in a day. We are just very physically affectionate with each other and I am glad that we are, though we have gotten many strange looks from people.

Though Jonathan and I are close, I feel horrible because though I know things about him that some others will never know, having lived with him for so long, I hardly know what goes on with him in his inner life or his social life or daily life. And I wish I did. I feel that Jonathan is my best best best friend, in that we will always be brothers and nothing can change that, but on other hand I feel very far away from him. I want to call him and ask him about everything that is going on in his life, but I get the feeling that he is too busy to actually sit down and talk with me, not because he doesn't want to, but rather because he is so socially active, but more because most every time I call him he is hanging out with his friends or something of the sort. Though I must admit, that I am "too busy" to call him as well, which really isn't an excuse, because I need to make time for family, and I want to too, but something is always coming up or its too late in the evening, or we're both in school, etc. etc. etc.--But like I said, I have no excuse, and it's really my fault in the end.

I feel as though I have failed him. I feel as though I could('ve) be(en) a better big brother to him. I feel as though I should('ve) be(en) more involved in his life. I wish i was. I wish i had been. Is it too late? I don't know. Probably not. But it's hard, I feel like I have to start from scratch. Which I know will be worth it- for him it'd be worth it.

I wish I was the consistent spiritual mentor/example for him that I wish I had in my own life. Not that I don't have people in my life that I look up to. But it's different in a way I don't know how to explain. I was talking to someone in that past months and I remember that someone talking about how hard it is to bring spirituality into this kind of relationship. I want to encourage him in ways I never was, I want to be able to know what to pray for him about, I want to be able to answer the questions I was afraid to ask, at his point in his relationship with Christ.

Jonathan is soooooo cool. He is so popular and so talented in so many ways. I wish I was like him. He can write. He can run. He is super funny. I don't even know how to explain all that he is. I know that God is going to use him, though. God has blessed me by giving this guy to be my brother. And sometimes I just regret not being a better friend to him.

i'm sorry Jonathan...