absolutely a NO--for right now
but an absolute maybe for the future
nevertheless--
I am so annoyed. Dating seems to be everything that anybody cares about anymore. Finding "the One" is a more popular topic of conversation than anything else. It may just be the season-It is spring and the flowers are blooming, hormones are acting up and people are more stressed about who they should ask out on a date more so than the finals they haven't studied for.
In my own life, I can't say that I haven't partaken in all of this. I am partly to blame, I'm sure. I'm mostly frustrated and annoyed with myself to be honest. I am just sick of this area having such a hold on my life. I let it. But even if I didn't, there is this weird expectation that I feel upon my shoulders.
--It is this heavy smoke that everybody breathes in and breathes out. It permeates every relationship and conversation with its burdensome presence. It is a filter through which every guy and girl is viewed by the opposite sex. We don't see each other as people, but rather as faint figures of potential lovers through this ugly smog--
I mean that there is this weird underlying potentiality to everything, that if you aren't dating anyone at the moment, that you are always on the looking at the other sex in a certain way, and you know that it is they are looking at you too. This strange feeling and awkwardness undergirds every guy/girl relationship. Its disgusting and exhausting and altogether strangely normal.
I'm not being cynical. I don't hate it. It's necessary (probably). I'm just saying that I don't appreciate the fact that I am being forced to define where I'm at on all this, though I probably should or ought to for the sake of everybody's peace of mind. My friends have all given me a hard time about where I stand on this issue and to be honest I really feel as though they should mind their own business. But to heck with it-here's where I'm at:
It hasn't been all that long (well maybe it depends) since my last break-up. I broke up with Chelsea because I didn't know where I stood on getting married. That's the same reason I broke up with Eleanor and Sarah too (we were never official, but we were close) yet for some reason I kept dating. I've been dating for a long time. There have been random times when I wasn't in a relationship but they were never for very long. The thing is I still haven't figured out if I ever want to get married ever or not. Dating is therefore something that I should avoid altogether for a while, at the very least until I figure this out. And even if I do figure it out and come to the conclusion that I want to marry, I know for a fact that I am not ready for it in any way. Most people who know me would tell you the same. So bottom line?: No Dating for Caleb.
I have expressed to some of my close friends that I have wanted to go on dates, not to date, but to go on dates with girls. I have mixed reactions and for the most part I know that I wont. I haven't done it yet, because I know its foolish for me to do that now, especially when I haven't figured anything out with my life. Not that I have to have my life figured out in order for me to date, but I should at least decide whether or not I want to get married!
So to all my Girl Pals: "though I may flirt (i'm a huge flirt, i can't help it sometimes, i'm working on it though, i promise) don't take any of it to heart. I can only handle friendship at this point in my life. Sorry if you already feel as though I have lead you on....
So I'm leaving room for God to change and lead as He wants to in this area of my life, but until he makes it adequately clear to me, I'd have to say that for now, dating isn't a possibility for me-maybe in the not to distant future but for right now-absolutely not gonna happen.
That is really all I have to say about that....
P.S.-I wrote a much longer post earlier last night but my internet got all finicky and I lost all of it....so this is just a sad, poor excuse for what this post ought to be.
This is good and honest, Caleb.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with not knowing whether you should get married. At first I thought it was a ridiculous notion, but now I think that it may be a good route for you, If that's how you have felt with your other relationships then maybe God is trying to tell you something.
ReplyDeleteYour close friends and I have said this numerous times: we don't want you to go on "dates" with girls and lead them on. I suppose this blog addresses that issue, but even when two people both admit they don't want a relationship to go past friends and "dates," feelings can still get stepped on. So just keep that in mind.
Maybe you should just post the second to last paragraph on your forehead and post the last paragraph inside of your head and your heart. I think it's a good and necessary conclusion to this topic. I need to allow God room to change me as well before i go into another relationship and it's hard to acknowledge that sometimes.
I think it's better that way, sometimes. I live with my boyfriend, and honestly, he's expressed the opinion of, "If we are so happy now, what's the point of ruining it with marriage?"
ReplyDeleteI can understand his sentiment, even if I don't agree with it. His experience with marriages have been bad. The majority of the ones he's seen have ended in either divorce or the woman takes complete control of the man; which drives him to believe marriage is bad.
You're normal, don't let your friends be weird about your choices.
Also, according to the book Size Matters (The Hard Facts about Male Sexuality) by Kara Baskin and Dr. Harry Fisch, most men are actually hard-wired to be in polygamous, not monogamous, relationships. Most men have to either work very hard or be re-wired to be in a monogamous relationship. It's nothing that's bad or your fault or anything; it's just the way most men are. Women are hard-wired the opposite way - We are very emotional, illogical creatures. We attach ourselves to a male because instinctually we want someone to be present for the raising and protection of our young. Men, on the other hand, are usually logical - Why attach yourself when ultimately, logically, in the end, it wasn't needed?
ReplyDeleteSo again, even textbooks support your current mentality- It all comes down to whether or not you want to marry and say monogamous or continue being polygamous.
And remember, while sex isn't bad in any way shape or form (hell, everyone knows MY stance on sex.), it's what caused more wars, murders, liars, and thieves than religion or money combined.
Dear Caleb,
ReplyDeleteTaken a season of true and absolute singleness (without leaving any room for relationship) to just fully pursue the heart of God and seek His plan and purpose for your life has to be one of the most rewarding decisions. I know it was the best decision I ever made. It enables Him to truly lead you wherever He wants you, without any distraction, without any hindrance, without any hesitation (on your part).
The decision was so good... that now I am not even sure I ever want to get married. My life of excitement and satisfaction i God is so GOOD and so FULL that I don't know I would ever want to bog it down with human love and relationship. I just want to be able to be freely and wholly His all my life.
have you ever read "Choosing God's Best" by Don Raunikar?? You can find some quotes here: http://cristinaciotinga.blogspot.com/2010/04/quotes-from-choosing-gods-best-by-dr.html
ReplyDeletealso, when you are ready to find God's intented wife for you, you might like this short video on courtship: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npxjuh6UyT4&feature=player_embedded
...the truth is that the number one attack on youth, and pastors, and men, is sexual immorality, and being romantically involved before marriage is part of that...
you might also like: "Fit to be Tied" by Bill Hybels. "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris "Boy Meets Girl" Joshua Harris....
Also, unless you have the "gift of singleness" like Apostle Paul, God means for you to be married. And to have the gift of singleness means not to have ANY sexual desires. Considering your post, in my opinion, you are definately the marrying kind (if you want to lead a holy life before God).
ReplyDeleteAll that you have to do now is wait patiently on God, for Him to bring about the right time, and the right woman for you. It won't happent until He is sufficient for you, but also, once it does happen, it happens very fast.
1 Corinthians 7 : 1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
ReplyDelete