Into Great Silence...

"Then the word of the Lord came to him, and He said to him, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'

He replied, 'I have been very zealous for the Lord God of Hosts, but the Israelites have abandoned Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left, and they are looking for me to take my life.'

Then He said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the Lord's presence.'

At that moment, the Lord passed by. A great and mighty wind was tearing at the mountains and was shattering cliffs before the Lord, But the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was a voice, a soft whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood and the entrance of the cave."

Silence is a powerful thing, and at various points and times in my life, often by random happenstance, I've experienced it. I've come into contact with something inexpressible it seems. There is something about my contact with this powerful mystery that has yanked my attention to itself and has bore it's eyes straight into mine. As much as I try I don't really think I can escape it.

Here's some context: over the summer, I experienced the most healthy and consistent season of spirituality in my life to date. And as sad as it is to say, I've lost it completely. The stability I had found quickly slipped through my fingers in grains of sand as the Fall Semester of 2010 rushed into full swing, and by the end of it, I was way out at sea, with no bearings as to where to head for land. The undertow of sin and selfishness tugged me far, farther than I'm comfortable with. I was lost, but God in his goodness and infinite love pointed me back home through his divine appointment in providing many vessels such as deep friendships abounding in grace, forgiveness, encouragement, and love. God has shown himself to me in ways that I shall never be able to forget.

I still have a lot to learn though I've realized. And right now in my life, I feel the need to push forward in the direction God has pointed me. There is a lot of growth I'd like to see in myself and I really can't see it happening without launching some specific initiatives. The thing is, I know what needs to change in my life and I see how it can be addressed, and frankly it'd be a sin to do otherwise.

But what am I talking about? Get to the point, Caleb - The fact is, I'm an unbalanced person. I seek false idols and I egregiously sin against my fellow brothers and sisters, my family, and all other institutions of which I am involved, and ultimately against God. All this being done in the realm of my social expression, in that it is loud, obnoxious, silly, pointless, and selfish, instead of encouraging, uplifting, Godly, humble, or selfless. My desire is to serve God in all areas of my life and I feel this is the one I have felt called to tackle.

It is my plan, therefore, to pursue a season of fasting from talking socially. Obviously I am in situations where my voice is needed, being that I work and have class and such, these are not the realms of my life that I need to address, but rather that of my social presence. I do not plan on texting or talking on the phone with anybody. I don't plan on being on facebook either, or at least severely restricting my action in it (no wall posting, no status updates, etc.) Communication and Language are all great God given gifts to mankind, but I abuse these tools and I have learned the need to balance and moderate certain areas of my life.

Back to the summer, I watched this documentary called Into Great Silence, about a monastery of monks who've dedicated their lives to silence and finding God within that silence. I found myself throughout the summer desiring the passion and zeal for disciplined Christian life that is found in monasteries and convents. It's some two hours long, and it was one of the most powerful experiences I had all summer. In the deepening and overwhelming silence I heard God speak to me, in his Whisper. I desire this again, above everything else. I long to hear the voice of God, but I must first quiet all the maxed out knobs in my life. This is no way to say that God can't speak above the noise of my life, but why should he have to?

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It's most interesting though to me that at the precise moment of my desire to initiate this, I am faced with a grave reason for it. To pursue this for my own sake is reason enough, I'm sure of it. But I can't think of any time when in our examples of fasting it isn't used in conjunction with times of deep prayer and supplication. I am at one of those places in life. I appreciate your understanding and I hope I have your prayers in this as well. Thank you.