I dont really know why i decided to do this....I needed to do something that I don't normally do....
Do other people get these urges too? ---I tried to get Dan out here and play acoustic guitar and hang out with me in the 32 degree whether (which is quite bearable by the way), but as is in his nature/personality he decided to stay indoors and be alone and practice his music and singing in the comfort of his own room where nobody could see him....Which is okay....I am kinda disappointed because that would make this perfect....but I'm being selfish.
Minutes ago, I was sitting in the campus cafe, sipping down a delicious vanilla latte. The cafe is on the second floor of the central building in the campus, it has large windows facing the street and the plaza where everybody must pass through in order to get to classes and to the other campus buildings. I looked down as my fellow Moodys walked to and fro. (Im a major creeper, I know). Yet, as I watched them go about busily, not noticing that I was watching them, I was surprised by this strange and overwhelming feeling of love for them.... --Some of them I am acquainted with, some I know personally, and others I know them only by their face---
Love in that I felt a certain connection to them through our common humanity....through our common humanness... in that we are all in the same situation... --Obviously we aren't all in the same 'situation'--I realize that no two people in the world could ever be in the same 'situation' per se; but even in the various lives that we live, we all things in common {probably more than we realize} ---I mean, we all come from somewhere [even if its nowhere or everywhere], we all have individual personalities [even if they clash, or if some try to hide from theirs], we all have desires, hopes, wishes, fears, secrets, flaws, and problems [some more than others (but that doesn't matter)] We have what my research writing prof would call "the human condition", I'm still trying to figure out what exactly that is for myself, but I came to the realization that we are all on the same boat el que llamamos 'la vida'- that which we call the 'life'. I focus too much on the fact that I am living MY life, forgetting that my life is a part of the lives of the people around me. {even if I'm an 'Extra' or even part of the 'backdrop'} Too much, I focus on the differences between between people. All the time I spend resenting humanity for not understanding me, is all the time that I am failing to understand them.
Earlier I said that it was surprising to me to have this feeling of "love." It wasn't surprising in that it took me by surprise, I think it be better to say that the feeling was more Ironic in nature. I felt love for them ---Its Ironic in that, recently, if i could describe my feelings of the past two weeks in one word it would be Isolation, or Loneliness, or something akin to that Idea. I realize now that the world and all of life was far away, because I was pushing myself away. I was trying to fit it into MY idea of what it should be. "the world should be this or that way because it would be better (for me)." I wasn't understanding life, because I wasn't starting from the beginning. My thinking is usually one-sided and biased like that.
Anyways, I should be writing a paper... but I really couldn't think about Micah with these thoughts in my head. I had to express them somehow. If some of you disagree with my thoughts I would love to hear what you have to say, not because I want to fight, but these are Ideas I haven't really been grappling with for very long...and frankly I haven't had time to root out false presuppositions and contradictions and what not----feedback=good/betterment of Caleb's understanding.
I want to say to those of you who read this....I love you....I know that too many times I am afraid to say this in person, but I really do. Many times I am too lost in my own thoughts/mind to think about what is going on in your mind... I care about each and every one of you... I know now that you have your life and I have my life, but we can still share them together, please, share your life with me and I'll do my best to do the same.
Sincerely,
Caleb
I agree with you. I think we care for people we know and don't know because of our basic humanity. Take Haiti, for example, or any major disaster... thousands of people come to the aid of fellow humans. These thousands aren't just Christians or people of the same race, religion, gender, etc. They are people from a completely different background that come to help because they care about their fellow humans.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that you recognizing that you care about your fellow classmates (even the ones you don't know) is weird.... not at all!
I think that we as Christians should be even more caring than the rest of the world. Christ was so compassionate to us... how can we not feel compassion and love for those around us? I think it's healthy and right to love and care deeply for our brothers and sisters around us. :) Good post, Caleb.
I have to say I agree with you and it is awesome that you a thinking through your life. I don't mean to imply that you're rethinking your whole life or having some sort of intellectual crisis, but to simply commend you for doing what many of us rarely remember to do.
ReplyDeleteI know people who live their lives like a hungry man eats, slurping up the spaghetti with gusto and completely missing the thyme in the sauce. The fact that you can stop and ponder this connection that breads true in humanity despite our isolationist culture is truly fantastic Caleb.
And it's true. The most basic human instinct is to love the human life. We consider those who can't, those who would laugh at funerals and those who would commit murder and other heinous acts against life, to be vile and the deepest kind of ill. :D Loving the essence of life, is it human nature or divine imprinting? I've thought a lot about this. It's so cool to hear your thoughts on the subject.
this is very good.
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